A Haters Guide to the AL/NLCS

"The world needs haters.  Without them, we'd be faced with a society of people walking around, consistently feeling good about themselves."

- Deuce

Because the teams sponsored here at FSD have both been bounced from the playoffs and/or never made it, and in lieu of the fact that we must pick a team to support, we are choosing to say "fuck it." If we are gonna be forced (in the end) to lend our support to some unworthy collection of jagmuffs, then we will not do so without a fight! And so without any additional delay, let us introduce the detestable candidates!

Returning Champs

Why they are unworthy of your support: Because what the shit is with their pitching staff?  It was bad enough that they won the whole thing with that bag of shit last year, but this year is just as baffling.  Jamie Moyer led the team with 12 wins and is not on the postseason roster, the unknown AJ Happ has the best ERA on the team, Pedro has been pretty much lights out and Cliff Lee's ERA has actually risen since joining the NL.  And Cole Hamels... Man, fuck Cole Hamels.

Because if Charlie Manuel played fantasy sports, and was lucky enough to win a fantasy championship, well then let's just say that his team name next year would probably be something like Returning Champs, much to the disgust of his fantasy cohorts, yet much to his own foolish sense of humor.

Because only Jayson Werth can make a soul patch look good on a white dude.

Wait, that should probably be in the worthy of your support portion of the post, huh?

Okay.

Why they are worthy of your support:  Because only Jayson Werth can make a soul patch look good on a white dude.

Also, because I don't know anyone from Philly, so if they win again, then I don't have to hear about it ever.  Which is pretty sweet.

The Rat Bastards

Why they are unworthy of your support: Because Joe Torre is a snitch bitch.

Because everyone on this team was fantasy poison this season.  Even you, Kemp!

Because just like everyone else in that wasteland of a city, the team is a transplant.

Because people trumpet the term Mannywood without the slightest hint of irony

Why they are worthy of your support:  Because I miss Manny.

And because Billingsley and Kershaw are the two best pitchers on the team and perhaps the league, but only make $400,000 a year.

Bronx Bombers

Why they are unworthy of your support:  I mean, really?  You actually need me to come up with reasons for not liking this time?  This is like shooting fish in a barrel... With C4.

How about this asshole?

Or, what about this asshole?

And I think this asshole says just about everything else that need be said

Why they are worthy of your support:  Got me...

Deuce, you got anything?

No?

Okay.

Next?

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, California, United States, North America, Earth, the Milky Way, the Universe

Why they are unworthy of your support:  Because they consistently play in the most garbage division on the planet and get to play each of their divisional opponents 20 times per year.  Say what you will about the NL West, but they routinely drop two teams into the postseason.  When is the last time the AL West accomplished that feat (the answer is 2002, but if feels longer than that doesn't it)?

Because John Lackey looks like a fish with a mole... And probably drinks like one.

Because Torii Hunter gets away with flipping the bat when no one else does.

And because Mike Scioscia looks like my father.

I hate my father.

Why they are worthy of your support:  Well, simply enough because they're playing these assholes.

Flip a coin with this series y'all, because I could not give a damn who comes away with it.  And because I am unsure for numerous moral reasons as to whether or not I can support an NL squad, it is probably not going to get any easier come Fall Classic time.  But that's what the Haters Guide is for after all, isn't it?  Should your angst and disgust fade over the next few weeks, come on back and visit us.  I'm sure we will have something for you.