Countdown to 2010: Self-Defense Edition

As your may or may not know, the extraordinarily dangerous (oh, and beautiful) country of South Africa will be hosting the World Cup in the summer of 2010. This asshole plans on attending so long as this site starts bringing the appropriate level of advertising revenue. So far we're off to a bad start, but a man can dream, right? Tickets are on sale as we speak and the South African government, as well as capitalists across the world are scrambling to ensure a safe and pleasurable experience for international visitors arriving to support their teams.

Now we have mentioned (repeatedly) how dangerous South Africa can be, especially when throngs of tourists descend upon a country whose crime rate rivals that of Baghdad circa May of 2003.  The logistical nightmare presented to South African police forces is profound to say the least, and so in reality, there is no way that your safety can be truly secured.  For this reason, the good people at Protektorvest® ask the question, "Why not protect yourself?"

Introducing, your Joe Flacco-certified, World Cup 2010 commemorative knife-proof vest!

And now, personal protection has never been so patriotic! That's right, you have the option of customizing your own stab-proof vest, free of charge! Now you can proudly wear your country's colors on your chest while enjoying hazard-free football this summer. So, if you're Nigerian, Serbian, or American, well then you'd better pick up one of these babies, because your enemies are everywhere and in some case, multiplying by the hour! And don't forget, ladies: stabbing is a gender inclusive crime, so make sure you pick up your own, as well! Besides, Kevlar is the new red!

What's that? What if you're stabbed in the neck? Well, we recommend that you fortify those silly little scarves that your clowns like to wear with a little extra padding. But suffice it to say, that a Protektorvest® Scarfguard is in the works!  Enjoy the games, everyone!