A Haters Guide to the Conference Championships

"The world needs haters lovers. Without them, we'd be faced with a society of people walking around, consistently feeling good bad about themselves."

- Deuce

Because the team(s) sponsored here at FSD have both been bounced from the playoffs and/or never made it, and in lieu of the fact that we must pick a team to support (and with all due respect to KSK), we are choosing to say, "fuck it Yay!" If we are gonna be forced (in the end) to lend our support to some unworthy collection of impressive athletes, then we will not do so without a fight! And so without any additional delay, let us introduce the detestable lovable candidates!

The White Steeds

Why are they unworthy of your support: Because Peyton Manning's reign of advertising terror will NEVER end if his success continues unabated.

Because we can't really have a rookie head coach lead his team to the Super Bowl while making the Art Shell face appear as if it is a look of deep concentration.

Because this team should have gone 16-0, but instead decided to dog it, excuse me, rest down the stretch, thereby allowing their opponent this very week into playoffs and how sweet would it be if that obvious mistake cost them a trip to the Super Bowl.

Why they are worthy of your support?: Because who the shit wants to watch Jets football any longer?!  I mean, FUCK!  Hey, check it out Sanchez went 8 for 17 with 106 yards and one INT.  Somebody get Trent Dilfer's lawyer on the phone, as there's some obvious copyright infringement taking place... Wait.  I think we're getting a little ahead ourselves here.


The Unwelcomed Visitor

Why are they unworthy of your support: Because Mark Sanchez is averaging 140 yards passing, 1 TD, and .5 INTs in the playoffs so far.  Gross.

Because who the fuck does Shonn Greene think he is, leading the playoffs in rushing?  And who the fuck does his mother think she is spelling the most commonly misspelled name in the English language that way?  Well, at least she didn't spell it like this asshole.

Because, well, didn't you read the part about the Colts earlier?  I mean, come on!

Why they are worthy of your support?: Because how cool would it be if this team played the Vikings in the Super Bowl... and WON.  In all honesty, THIS is the best way that the season could end.  First, it ensures that BFF does not win another title.  Second, irony anyone?!?  BFF blew it for the Jets last year.  Imagine the RAGE some Jets players still feel for him... Go Jets.


America's (Ghetto) Team

Why are they unworthy of your support: Because does anyone really have any confidence in this team beating a good defense?  Sure, they beat the Jets this season, but remember who the Jets had playing quarterback for them at the time?  Oh, the same guy that is still playing for them?  Moving on...

Because isn't this team one more hurricane away from becoming the little engine that can't and then being shipped off to LA?  I mean, we all know that is what the people of Buffalo are hoping for... Savages that they are.

Because can this team stop anyone from running all over them?  Is their defensive game plan to just hope for interceptions for the rest of the year?  Best of luck, gentlemen.

Why they are worthy of your support?: Because look who they're playing this week.  If that ain't enough reason, then you're probably from Green Bay and probably own a half Vikings-half Packers #4 jersey... You bag of broken dicks.


4-Skin

Why are they unworthy of your support: Because.

Because.

Because.

Why they are worthy of your support?: None.  Fuck that asshole.

--
And fuck him good, too. Because what else is this playoff carousel for than ridding it of the the most despicable character in the league? I do apologize, Minnesota as this hate is in no way directed at you or your team. But, so long as he suits up in purple, then we can't be friends.  Remember every other year of the last decade besides this one... Now think about the man... You hated this man.  And now? Actually, you know what, I DO have a problem with you and this hate IS directed at you because you're mercenaries in the same manner that he is.  You're so blind for victory that you've willingly suppressed all the negative feelings you have for this man.  Real, reasonable hate.  And that is such a terrible thing to waste.  So here's to recapturing old feelings, huh?  And as soon as absolutely fucking possible.  Then maybe we can become friends again.  Go Saints.