Dear Charlie Weis

We here at Weiss Guys Car Wash in Phoenix, Arizona have been closely following your struggles as well as your recent misfortune for some time now.  We have been always been loyal Notre Dame fans, as we originally hail from northern Illinois, just outside Rockford.  We just feel terrible about your most recent setback and well, we just wanted to be the first one to offer you a new and exciting opportunity with us down here in the valley.

We understand that you might not know the first thing about operating a business, especially a car wash.  But let me put your initial concern to rest; our customers come to us, so no recruiting will be necessary.  We understand that you have had some difficult with this process in the past, so don't worry about that.  We also are sympathetic toward your ill-suited temper, at least with respect to public interfacing.  Which is why we would never ask you to have to deal with customers on a hand-to-hand basis.  We let the barely literate immigrant workers handle that.  Sure this causes some customer service issues every now and again, but have you had the opportunity to review our prices?  Best in business, Chucky.  And we keep our costs down for the consumer, by keeping our costs down in the front office... Namely by hiring Mexicans.

Anyway, all that we ask is that you appear in a few commercials and maybe even consider becoming a staple in our company logo.  Heck, we'll even consider dropping that extra, unnecessary "S" in our name if it sweetens the deal at all for you.  We've all had our bouts with egomania, and find that appeasement is the best policy in such instances.  Here take a look at the prototype:

Pretty great, right?  We figured that you wouldn't mind being the one on his knees.  After all, it's how you spent most of your time at Notre Dame, so you should be used to it by now.

Now we understand that this would be a rather drastic transition for you, so by all means, take your time with the deliberation process.  But, if you have any interest in getting away from that awful weather in Indiana, and have any desire for some fun in the desert sun, maybe a wet, sexy, slo-mo car wash routine every now and again, then we feel that we would make a great team.

Take care, Charlie.  And goooooooo IRISH!


Sincerely,

The Weis(s) Bros.


PS.  We offer free undercarriage scrubs for those who struggle with such taint-related issues.  Just something to keep in mind.