QB Favre Mum on Starting Head Coach vs. Bears

If Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre were able to dodge Julius Peppers with the same deftness he evaded the media's questions over next week's starting Head Coach, the Vikings may still be in the hunt for the NFC's #1 seed in the playoffs.

Our BFF refused to give any indication as to who would wear the "big boy" headset for the Vikes next Monday night against the rival Bears. Rehabilitated child pornographer Brad Childress has been serving as the team's Head Coach for the first 14 games of this star-crossed Vikings season, however reports out of Minnetonka claim that Favre has become increasingly frustrated with the rogue Childress overstepping his boundaries, and his pay grade, during games. While BFF toed the company line in his post-game press conference on Sunday, sources close to the land baron/Savior/cold weather asthmatic say Favre has a laundry list of problems with the Head Coach's behavior including his tendencies to create a game plan, give pre-game and halftime speeches, manage personnel packages, call plays with a belief those plays will be executed, set a depth chart, and sit in the comfy chair in the locker room.

BFF spoke with the media Wednesday morning after the team's workout and responded to the turmoil.

"Listen y'all. As Quarterback and Future Hall-of-Famer of this team, my job is to win football games, and to put our talent in a position to win football games. If I reach a point where I no longer believe Chilly Willy provides me the best opportunity to be successful, then I'll make a change. But as of right now, Chilly is my coach. If I decided to make a change at that position, that's between me and my team, and itll be handled in house. But as of now, that hasn't changed. Come on now, y'all."

Favre then cleared his throat, and smiled coyly. Three reporters orgasmed instantly, one went as far as to faint.

Conflicting reports out of Minneapolis have suggested that if Favre were to relieve "Chilly" of his head coach responsibilities, defensive coordinator Leslie Frazier would serve as de facto head coach, while BFF retained control of all offensive operations. It's also been suggested that Favre could look outside the organization for a replacement for Chilly, perhaps attempting to lure former Head Coach Mike Holmgren out of his Ivory Tusk Tower in Cleveland.

"I haven't spoken to Frazzie about any change in his job title", Favre responded to such allegations. "Listen. I mean...listen. Ima jus doin my best out there, trying to have fun, make some plays, LEAD this team to a Super Bowl. And I can't have anyone usurping my authority, not Chilly, not Frazzie, not Zigi, not AP and certainly not Bryant McKinnie's worthless pile of shit. Did y'all listen to how candid that was?"

"Illtellya this -- after watching the game film again, y'all know how much I like watching film? afta watching the film Chilly looks dang good wit that beard. Vurry distinguished, almost like a bald Clint Howard, but with a beard."

When Favre was reminded that Clint Howard IS in fact bald, BFF chuckled heartily and immediately the reporter was removed from the room, fired from his job, his house burned down with his children inside, and his identity was stolen.

When reached for comment, Coach Childress only responded that he knows he's under the microscope right now, saying "I've got to keep doing my job, trying to be a positive influence on this team, and hopefully Brett...shit, I meant Mr. Favre, will decide that I'm the best Head Coach/chauffeur for this team during the playoffs."

All-world running back Adrian Peterson chose not to comment on the Coach Controversy, instead threatening to take Deanna Favre and the wives of each offensive lineman hostage if they don't, quote "FUCKING BLOCK SOMEBODY. I'M THE BEST DAMN PLAYER IN THE LEAGUE. FORGET THAT SHIT MOTHERFUCKER?!?!" It is assumed Peterson would also likely violently rape his teammates wives while chained in his underground dungeon, and possibly spawn multiple bastard Purple Baby Jesuz to join his army. Favre responded to the threat with a simple, "Huh? Whosdat? Oh, alright then. Well, supposed its better than being raped by Jared Allen."

For a team laden with such high expectations and loaded with arguably the most premiere talent in the league, there sure is a lot of uncertainty and doubt surrounding them. But, according to Favre,

"Ar goal is still the Sooper Bowl, and I still buhlieve my team is capable of that. And I'll pistol whip the dogshit out of anyone who gets in the way er that. Hear that, Chilly!? Now bring my ass some toilet paper. Git damn, try to have a press confrence while taking a shit and that bald pederast furgets to change the teepee. 'Bout had it with this..."