On the Set of Invictus

Clint Eastwood brings in both Matt Damon and Morgan Freeman to read the script before shooting has even begun.  Morgan Freeman is solemn.  Matt Damon is confused.  Clint Eastwood is ornery.

CE: Okay fellas, let's run through this a little bit so we can all get comfortable with the subject matter.  Even today, the issue of Apartheid is still controversial and we need to respect the fact that the situation is tender within South Africa.  And we must also pay tribute to this fact.

MF: I understand, young man

CE: Huh?

MD: Hey, Mr. Eastwood, what's this thing here?

CE: It's a rugby ball, Matt.  You've never seen one before?

MD: Rugby ball, huh?  So what's this something that some Australian zoo animal plays with or something?

CE: No, you jackass.  It's a ball used in the sport of rugby.  The game that you will playing in movie that we're about to start filming.

MD: What's it like cricket or something?

CE: (growls)

MF: Sonny, I just want to make sure that Nelson Mandela's true character can be visisble within my portrayal.

CE: Are you talking to me?  Listen, I don't expect people to watch this movie and see Nelson Mandela, I expect them to see Morgan Freeman playing a man of importance, that the audience can identify with and hopefully appreciate.  If I wanted someone to actually be Mandela then don't you think I would have brought in an actual African?

MF: I see...

CE: Everybody knows that you only have one mode of acting: old and wise.  Just do that and there's an Oscar in it for you.

MD: Hey, Mr. Eastwood, I hate Asians, too.

CE: Huh?

MD: Gran Torino!  All those zipperheads running around, shooting people, and just you know, messing stuff up.

CE: That was a movie, Matt, I don't hate Asians.  Haven't you seen Letters from Iwo Jima?

MD: Nah, I usually only read e-mail.

CE: Jesus Christ... Forget that.  How is your South African accent coming along?

MD: Oh great, Mr. Eastwood.  Just wonderful.  I've been really working on my clicks hard for the last few weeks.

CE:  Clicks?  What's the matter with you?

MD: What?  I'm trying to speak African.  And Africans click when they speak... Everybody knows that.

CE: You're playing a white South African, Matt

MD: WHITE AFRICAN... Morg, man, you listening to this guy?  White African...  What's that like?  Like a... Like a hung Chinese guy? Hahaha...

MF: (stifled laughter)

CE: You listen and you listen good, you dumb bastard: this story is set against a backdrop of racism and violence, and the last thing I will tolerate on set is some ignorant ass making racially insensitive remarks on my set, you got me?

MD: So, you don't hate Asians?

CE: (more growling)

MF: Child... Morgan Freeman's image as an enlightened being must not be compromised when it is reduced to playing the president of South Africa.  As you know, I have been the President of the United States in other films.

CE: What is it with you?  Sonny, young man, child?  I'm seven years older than you.  And all I'm asking you to do is be Morgan Freeman with an African accent, what the fuck is the difficulty here?

And you, shit for brains, are you done with your tactless comments, yet?

MD: What's that, Harry?  I'm just looking at these poor bastard kaffirs out the window with no shoes on... Savages.

CE: In any other situation I would beat you to a pulp right here, but somehow, and apparently by accident, you're starting off on the right foot.

MD: Well, all right, let's play some wallaby!

MF: Morgan Freeman touches neither small child nor animal.

CE: No!  You only touch your adopted children is all.

For fuck's sake... Trying to win Oscars and inspire a sense of equality in the world by telling one of the greatest stories of the modern error, and I got half-moon, the retard twins driving me crazy already... I might just have to play both roles myself, if necessary...

MF: A hung Asian?!

MD: I know, right?!

MD & MF: Hahahahahaha!

CE: (Even more growling)