As you may, or may not have, noticed, this site has seemingly been speaking with one voice lately. And well, there is good reason for that, for if you have been asking yourselves, "Where on planet fuck has Deuce been?" then I can understand your curiosity. Well, today marks the 3 month anniversary since Deuce's last honest contribution to Five Second Delay. Sure, he has played the role of Sheetmaster for a few weeks since then, but that is more of an honor more than any kind of labor.
Questions may follow: Is Deuce unhappy with the direction that FSD is heading? Has there been a falling out between Deuce and b. Lee? Has Deuce finally just given in and moved to San Francisco with his long-time, albeit secret boyfriend, shunning the sports-world and all of its remnants in the process? Truthfully, and sadly with respect to the latter, we must respond in the negative to all three queries.
The truth is Deuce is simply a lazy and relatively uninspired earthling rivaling only Oscar the Grouch and Jaba the Hut in terms of contribution and mobility. And while we, well, I here at FSD would love some help in lifting this crass institution up from the throes of obscurity and into the brilliant light of passive acknowledgment, no amount of effort on my part has been successful with respect to inspiring any notion of responsibility or excitement regarding this blog's prospects in the eyes of one Deucey Loo.
So, I am now calling on you all... Faithful commenters... To make your own appeal to your second favorite blogger that happens to write for this very site.
So please, if you would, whether it be from the depths of the emotional, practical, or absurd, call to him, and bring him back... To me, to us, and someday, to the world.
Thank you.
Your Editorer...er,
b. Lee
Hey Deuce,
ReplyDeleteWhile it pains me to write these words, this blog is boring without additional input. If for nothing else come back and take the reigns away from B.LEE. Dude is on a power trip. He sucks at fantasy sports, so he decided to criticize my abilities in prognostication. Guy talks about hockey like twice a week. Guy loves indie music. This shit get's tired. I'm looking for someone to come in here like a hurricane and shit on sportscasters, writers, athletes, their wives. This blog needs some fucking spunk. What do we have if not the ability to criticize others who've gone farther, or achieved more in live than we have? Isn't that why America is great?
Actually, who cares if it's deuce....you guys need to shit on people more! Where is the criticism that blogging is built off of? I'm not just looking for opinion piece after opinion piece here.....give me some humor. Give me some aggression. Goddamnit sound off like you've got a pair.
One of your dozens of readers,
Willie.
[sing along.] deucey's got a girrrrrrrrrrlfrienddddddd.
ReplyDeleteFuck Deuce, where's my daily bills?
ReplyDeleteAnd if that girlfriend thing is true, that's horseshit. Everyone knows that it's blogs before hogs, unless they put out.