Worst to First #29

The pre-season has begun and our collective semi-bone is creating a bulge that neither sandbags nor concrete dam could prevent from exploding in less than a month's time. With that said, allow us to stroke the fire, so to speak, and preview all 32 teams. Beginning with who we think will suck the most, and ending with who we think will suck the best.

Since b. Lee clearly has a hard-on for all things Missouri, he should be the one to step up.

The Chefs




And they're only called that because they be cookin' up some buuuull shit.

But when the Chiefs aren't busy being dunked on by Patrick Chewing, they're busy being passed and run on by just about every team in the National Football League. This awful defense has inspired Chiefs management to mine the LSU program in order to pick the best and brightest of defensive linemen in order to rebuild this godforsaken defense. Problem is defensive linemen generally take time to develop and mature, so don't expect much from Dorsey, Jackson, and company in 2009.

And while adding veteran depth to the roster is generally a good idea, it is a little too soon to tell how much of an impact Mikey Vrabel and Cat Scan Thomas are actually going to have when offensive lineman are having their way with a young frontline.

Guess it is up to the offense this year! But I wouldn't expect much from their end either. Although, with the landing of Matt Cassel, the return of Larry Johnson, and the curious addition of journeyman receiver Ashley Lelie the offense has definitely improved...

Just not enough.

While the Chiefs certainly did not have a good offense, it certainly was not terrible either. But, considering that they lost arguably their best receiver in Tony Gonzalez, Crazy Legs is going to be missing a seriously important safety valve. However, if D. Bowe can become the dominant receiver that he is expected to become, then maybe things are not as bad as they seem.

But, it is safe to say that the biggest offseason acquisition made by the Chiefs was luring former Pats guru Scott Pioli over to the West. Yet if your biggest acquisition will never actually step foot on the field, that's usually a bad sign (Note: coaches actually step on the field, so there's a difference). So, the good news is that down the road, the once proud Chiefs (insert paternalistic trope about the noble savage), could and should regain their scalping edge (Whoops). WAY down the road, that is.

And then, perhaps the best named stadium in all of sports will once again become a Hell Ride for visiting opponents, as opposed to the Fun House it has been for the last few years.