Worst to First #32

The pre-season has begun and our collective semi-bone is creating a bulge that neither sandbags nor concrete dam could prevent from exploding in less than a month's time. With that said, allow us to stroke the fire, so to speak, and preview all 32 teams. Beginning with who we think will suck the most, and ending with who we think will suck the best.

b. Lee, take the lead if you would.



The Retardedly Lions



Out with the old - In with the new!

Matt Millen - Peace the fuck out!

Drafting wide receivers with the first pick in the draft - No mas!

Clown pictured above - Go mess with Texas!

These days nothing can stop this rusted out, brokedown, Lincoln-Mercury lemon-mobile...

From finishing last, not only in the NFC North, but chances are, in the entire league. So guess what that mean, folks! One more year of wondering how the Lions are gonna fuck up their future and ruin any shot of pulling their sorry city out of it's sports recession.

But b. Lee, it's the era of the Staff Infection! With young Matchieu and the ancient Chinese secret, Caljon, we can't go wrong!

Silly bastard, picks are for good teams, and you guys just made a BAD one. Granted, Calvin can do anything, but almost winning a few games here and there doesn't get you into the playoffs and Detroit has a lot of work to do before they will even be allowed to sniff those panties.

And I mean, it's not even that they're playing a rookie quarterback this year. Their defense was the worst in the league last year, averaging over 400 yards allowed per game (170 of those are rushing yards... Fuuuuck me). But they did add Larry Foote to bolster that horrendous run-stuffing unit. Couldn't hurt I guess.

But, aside from Detroit's defensive ineptitude it seems that perhaps their largerst problems are poor coaching and play-calling. While, Kevin Smith isn't the greatest running back in the world, he is certainly not the worst either, and he did average over 4 yards per carry last year. Commit to the fucking run will you?!? And that is with a shitty offensive line that couldn't protect even protect their own assholes with a set of steel butt plugs. In week's 3-9, Smith averaged under 10 carries per game, even though he average nearly 5 YPC. during that stretch. I mean, what the fuck? 0-16 you went, huh? Shocking.

Oh, but don't worry, the new GM did go out and pick up perennial clubhouse distraction Ronald Curry, as well as Bryant "The Invisible" Johnson, so that young Mathchieu could have have a few more defective toys to play with during Detroit's ill-advised aerial assaults.

Think of the irony; the car capital of America has a football team that prefers flying. Either way, neither industry can get their sorry asses of the pavement.

The Detroit Lions; your 32nd best team in the NFL.